I am harried.
I run through the halls then walk right back,
a line of semi-boisterous children in tow.
Let’s go, I tell them.
We’re losing our PE time.
We always make it to our destination
sooner or later.
I am frazzled
because the tech won’t work
the way I need it to
right this moment.
I am in a hurry and
have no time for this nonsense,
Why won’t this work??
And I am blind to the simplest solution:
to press home, pull up the bottom menu
Mirror air-play go
but I am not.
Because I had to ask a stupid question
to get a simple answer
and felt silly and helpless and dependent
and I hated that part.
But the tech works now
so there’s that.
In my other cognitive life
the writing that remains undone
keeps poking me at night
annoyed that so little of what appeared to be
has materialized on a page of some sort.
There are plans and ideas and publications
all lying fallow
while I sweep, drag or push myself forward
and back and over.
At some point I fall asleep and pass on the dream option.
As I rush to and fro
from one engagement to the next
My attention remains divided
and scattered yet functional enough
to manage a day to day
that suggests logic and planning
of one kind or another.
While I hold up this appearance
I talk to students,
chat with colleagues,
I look busy.
I’m pretty good
at looking busy.
I could be better
at doing less
at slowing down
at breathing deeply
at being human.